These Phrases given by My Father That Saved Me as a Brand-New Parent

"In my view I was simply just surviving for the first year."

Ex- Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey expected to manage the challenges of becoming a dad.

However the actual experience quickly became "completely different" to his expectations.

Severe health complications surrounding the birth resulted in his partner Louise being hospitalised. All of a sudden he was pushed into acting as her main carer as well as caring for their newborn son Leo.

"I was doing all the nights, each diaper… each outing. The role of both parents," Ryan explained.

After nearly a year he burnt out. It was a conversation with his own dad, on a bench in the park, that led him to understand he required support.

The direct words "You're not in a good place. You require assistance. How can I help you?" paved the way for Ryan to talk openly, look for assistance and regain his footing.

His story is not uncommon, but rarely discussed. Although the public is now more accustomed to talking about the stress on mothers and about post-natal depression, far less attention is paid about the difficulties fathers face.

Asking for help is not weak to ask for help

Ryan feels his struggles are linked to a broader inability to talk between men, who often internalise damaging perceptions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the rock that just gets hit and doesn't fall time and again."

"It's not a sign of being weak to ask for help. I didn't do that soon enough," he explains.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher who studies mental health pre and post childbirth, says men often don't want to acknowledge they're having a hard time.

They can feel they are "not the right person to be seeking help" - most notably ahead of a mother and child - but she emphasises their mental health is vitally important to the household.

Ryan's chat with his dad gave him the chance to request a pause - taking a couple of days overseas, away from the family home, to see things clearly.

He realised he needed to make a adjustment to consider his and his partner's emotions in addition to the practical tasks of taking care of a new baby.

When he was honest with Louise, he discovered he'd missed "what she was yearning" -physical connection and listening to her.

Reparenting yourself'

That realisation has changed how Ryan perceives fatherhood.

He's now penning Leo regular notes about his feelings as a dad, which he aspires his son will read as he grows up.

Ryan believes these will enable his son to better grasp the vocabulary of feelings and make sense of his decisions as a father.

The idea of "reparenting" is something musician Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen was without reliable male a father figure. Despite having an "amazing" bond with his dad, long-standing difficult experiences resulted in his father found it hard to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, complicating their connection.

Stephen says repressing feelings led him to make "bad decisions" when he was younger to change how he was feeling, seeking comfort in substance use as an escape from the hurt.

"You find your way to things that aren't helpful," he notes. "They may short-term modify how you feel, but they will ultimately exacerbate the problem."

Tips for Getting By as a First-Time Parent

• Talk to someone - if you're feeling swamped, confide in a friend, your other half or a counsellor how you're feeling. It can help to ease the pressure and make you feel less alone.
• Remember your hobbies - keep doing the activities that helped you to feel like the person you were before becoming a parent. It could be exercising, socialising or playing video games.
• Look after the body - a good diet, getting some exercise and if you can, sleep, all play a role in how your mental state is doing.
• Meet other first-time fathers - listening to their journeys, the challenges, and also the good ones, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Remember that seeking help is not failure - looking after you is the best way you can care for your loved ones.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen understandably struggled to accept the death, having not spoken to him for a long time.

As a dad now, Stephen's resolved not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his own son and instead offer the security and emotional support he missed out on.

When his son threatens to have a meltdown, for example, they practise "shaking it out" together - managing the emotions constructively.

Each of Ryan and Stephen say they have become better, healthier men due to the fact that they confronted their pain, altered how they communicate, and figured out how to regulate themselves for their children.

"I'm better… processing things and dealing with things," states Stephen.

"I put that down in a note to Leo the other week," Ryan adds. "I expressed, on occasion I feel like my job is to instruct and tell you what to do, but actually, it's a two-way conversation. I'm learning as much as you are through this experience."